This is officially my 6th Mother's Day to actually "be" a mother. The very first one back in 2007 Dotty was still "cooking" inside me...but hey...that counts!!! That Mother's Day of '07 was a great one. I was super excited...super nervous...and already super big! (And I had 4 more months to go!)
Now Mother's Day '08 was a bit different. At that point Dotty would have been 8 months old...she was still not sleeping through the night and I had more than once thought about inquiring what the hospital's "return policy" was in regards to babies! Overall it was great though...being a "new" mom was fun, exciting, and tiring...but it was the best job I had ever had.
Mother's Day '09 and '10 were still a bit rough...Dotty was STILL not sleeping all the way through the night. (So if you are counting...yes...she was pushing 3 years old at that point.) I was definitely sleep deprived and life had had its ups and downs. Overall it was great though...being a "not so new" mom was fun, exciting, and tiring...but it was still the best job I had ever had.
Mother's Day '11 was WAY better. Dotty finally started sleeping through the night when she was almost 3 years old. I was a whole new woman once this started happening. She would still wake up once or twice but nothing like the years before when it was almost every hour! Life was getting into a routine. We were living in Wichita. We loved our house. Life was good. Overall it was great...being a "not new at all" mom was fun, exciting, and still tiring...but it was STILL the best job I had ever had.
Mother's Day '12 and '13 were the best. Dotty sleeps AWESOME now. She hardly ever wakes up. She is a funny, sweet, beautiful, 5 year old...going on 6 (going on 16 sometimes). I love each and every moment with her. Overall it is GREAT...being a mom is fun, exciting, and still tiring (because Dotty is one busy girl)...but it is STILL...and always will be...the best job I have EVER had.
When Dotty was born I thought...I don't know that I can do this. There was no manual. No one really sat down and gave me a step-by-step rundown as to how this whole mom/baby thing worked. I was just supposed to "know". And the amazing thing is...in a way...I did. The greatest miracle in having a child is not so much the "birth" itself...although that still amazes me...but to me the greatest miracle is that God somehow just helps you to "know".
You see I was not a "baby person" before Dotty. In fact...I didn't even like most kids. I was scared to death I was going to scar Dotty for life in the first week of her life.
But I didn't.
When she cried as a baby...somehow I knew what she needed...(although sometimes it was a bit of trial and error at first). Now when she cries...I know what she needs. Dotty cries when she is tired, hungry, mad, sad, or frustrated...and during all those events I generally know how to fix it...with a nap, food, a hug or a kiss, some kind words, a little encouragement, or just a shoulder to cry on...but always I give it all with love.
Back on Mother's Day 2007 I was still wondering a bit if I could be a mom. Now...6 years later...I know I was meant to be a mom. Dotty's mom.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Memories...not Kodak...but mine
It was just about 7 months ago that Dotty and I went to Disney World. We just got back from Disneyland a few days ago. Both trips were great but both were very different from my point of view.
Back in September when we went to Disney World I had such high expectations for our trip. I had been to Disney World back in the early 90s. I did a lot of research online. I asked anyone and everyone what they did when they went to Disney World. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted more than the postcard...I wanted the 90 second commercial. I wanted the trip to be like you see on tv...nothing but smiles, laughter, hugs, and helium balloons drifting up as the fireworks went off.
The truth is we did have smiles, laughter, hugs, helium balloons and fireworks on the trip...but we also had stress, tears, and a few rough moments too. I promise you...in my mind Disney World was not the "happiest place on earth" but rather the "most bipolar place on earth" when it came to my kid...and every other kid in that park. It seemed liked a kid was either crying or laughing. It seemed like a parent was either smiling or yelling. It seemed as if everyone was either full of joy or full of disappointment. It was a strange thing to experience.
Personally, I was just pushing so hard for the "perfect" trip...I was forgetting to just enjoy the trip. And I don't think I was alone in this struggle.
I had planned for so long...to do so much...in a place that was so big...that was full of so much wonder...that I began to wonder if I had lost my ever loving mind by bringing my 5 year old to Disney World by myself.
Oh don't get me wrong...we did have fun...but it was tainted with stress and disappointment...not on Dotty's part...but on mine.
Now fast forward to just a week ago when we were in Disneyland. I had no idea what to expect. I had never been there. I didn't do much research at all besides a few pins on Pinterest. I didn't even ask too many people about their trips. I just talked to April (Tony's cousin) and made plans to meet up with her family while we were there for the weekend.
I made no reservations. I didn't book a single character dinner...or princess tea...or a day in the Boutique...I didn't do anything but get us two seats on an airplane, a hotel room, and a park pass. I didn't even look at a park map until the day we arrived.
You would think I would have been stressed due to my lack of planning...but it was just the opposite. I had a blast! Dotty had a blast! She said numerous times it was the "best trip ever"...and I know why...we had no expectations. In fact we had little than no expectations...I actually thought it would not be nearly as fun as Disney World because we were not staying in the Disney Resort...just a regular hotel a few blocks away...there were only two parks...not four...etc, etc.
Even though all this is true...Disneyland is smaller...it is only two parks...the main thing was I didn't try to turn this trip into one Kodak moment after another. I just let it flow. I didn't check my watch a million times to see which reservation we had next. I didn't check the map 100 times to find the best route to see the next character. Dotty and I wondered around...sometimes we were lost...and sometimes we found just the attraction we were looking for...and sometimes we found an even better attraction.
The best part of the whole trip was Dotty and I got to experience it all for the first time together! I didn't put any pressure on the trip and it turned out to be a great one!!! I have so many fabulous memories and none of them are "brochure" worthy...but they will look great in my photo albums...and when I am 80 I hope I will remember them all as Dotty makes plans to take her grandkids to Disneyland.
I hope she and I will always laugh about "bacon...cook it"...and the best way for waiting on a late bus is always upside down...and Oreo cookies can be breakfast, lunch, and dinner (just not in the same day)...and the best pretzels are shaped like Mickey Mouse...in fact everything is better when it is shaped like Mickey Mouse...and so many more!
I learned a lot on this trip. I learned I love California and if I ever move it is #1 on my list. I learned my kid is 5...she is not an actor in a commercial...she is not a model in brochure. She has moments of great joy...and she tends to cry when she gets hungry or tired (like her momma). I learned the best trips don't have to be planned out so well...sometimes the plan is to just go and see what happens. I learned I love my little girl more and more every day...well I already knew that...but somehow watching her watch Tinker Bell fly over the Disney castle as fireworks lit the sky...I realized it even more!
Back in September when we went to Disney World I had such high expectations for our trip. I had been to Disney World back in the early 90s. I did a lot of research online. I asked anyone and everyone what they did when they went to Disney World. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted more than the postcard...I wanted the 90 second commercial. I wanted the trip to be like you see on tv...nothing but smiles, laughter, hugs, and helium balloons drifting up as the fireworks went off.
The truth is we did have smiles, laughter, hugs, helium balloons and fireworks on the trip...but we also had stress, tears, and a few rough moments too. I promise you...in my mind Disney World was not the "happiest place on earth" but rather the "most bipolar place on earth" when it came to my kid...and every other kid in that park. It seemed liked a kid was either crying or laughing. It seemed like a parent was either smiling or yelling. It seemed as if everyone was either full of joy or full of disappointment. It was a strange thing to experience.
Personally, I was just pushing so hard for the "perfect" trip...I was forgetting to just enjoy the trip. And I don't think I was alone in this struggle.
I had planned for so long...to do so much...in a place that was so big...that was full of so much wonder...that I began to wonder if I had lost my ever loving mind by bringing my 5 year old to Disney World by myself.
Oh don't get me wrong...we did have fun...but it was tainted with stress and disappointment...not on Dotty's part...but on mine.
Now fast forward to just a week ago when we were in Disneyland. I had no idea what to expect. I had never been there. I didn't do much research at all besides a few pins on Pinterest. I didn't even ask too many people about their trips. I just talked to April (Tony's cousin) and made plans to meet up with her family while we were there for the weekend.
I made no reservations. I didn't book a single character dinner...or princess tea...or a day in the Boutique...I didn't do anything but get us two seats on an airplane, a hotel room, and a park pass. I didn't even look at a park map until the day we arrived.
You would think I would have been stressed due to my lack of planning...but it was just the opposite. I had a blast! Dotty had a blast! She said numerous times it was the "best trip ever"...and I know why...we had no expectations. In fact we had little than no expectations...I actually thought it would not be nearly as fun as Disney World because we were not staying in the Disney Resort...just a regular hotel a few blocks away...there were only two parks...not four...etc, etc.
Even though all this is true...Disneyland is smaller...it is only two parks...the main thing was I didn't try to turn this trip into one Kodak moment after another. I just let it flow. I didn't check my watch a million times to see which reservation we had next. I didn't check the map 100 times to find the best route to see the next character. Dotty and I wondered around...sometimes we were lost...and sometimes we found just the attraction we were looking for...and sometimes we found an even better attraction.
The best part of the whole trip was Dotty and I got to experience it all for the first time together! I didn't put any pressure on the trip and it turned out to be a great one!!! I have so many fabulous memories and none of them are "brochure" worthy...but they will look great in my photo albums...and when I am 80 I hope I will remember them all as Dotty makes plans to take her grandkids to Disneyland.
I hope she and I will always laugh about "bacon...cook it"...and the best way for waiting on a late bus is always upside down...and Oreo cookies can be breakfast, lunch, and dinner (just not in the same day)...and the best pretzels are shaped like Mickey Mouse...in fact everything is better when it is shaped like Mickey Mouse...and so many more!
I learned a lot on this trip. I learned I love California and if I ever move it is #1 on my list. I learned my kid is 5...she is not an actor in a commercial...she is not a model in brochure. She has moments of great joy...and she tends to cry when she gets hungry or tired (like her momma). I learned the best trips don't have to be planned out so well...sometimes the plan is to just go and see what happens. I learned I love my little girl more and more every day...well I already knew that...but somehow watching her watch Tinker Bell fly over the Disney castle as fireworks lit the sky...I realized it even more!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Don't run from the bad...Run to the good
I stopped watching the news several years ago. It was just too hard to see the hurt and the pain that seemed to be the only things that were shown on the news. (Although being the typical farmer's daughter...I do still DVR the news so I can see what the weather will be like...but that is another story). As Dotty got older I still continued to avoid the news but it was mainly because I didn't want her to see the terrible things that were being reported. Like a lot of parents I try to keep my kid in a bubble...in every way I can.
Of course after a while I realized that not only did I not watch the news on TV...I didn't read papers...I didn't look at the "Top Stories" on the internet...I didn't search out information in any way. Then I realized I was trying to keep myself in a bubble too. I was trying to shield myself from a world that seemed to be full of pain, agony, hate, destruction, war, violence, abuse.
Of course some things I could not avoid (after all...even ESPN talks about the REALLY big stories...even those not specifically related to sports). I have heard about the school shootings, North Korea, Sandusky, Tiger's 2 stroke penalty (okay maybe that one is solely sports), and just yesterday the Boston Marathon bombings.
Like so many of us when I heard about Boston I wanted to find my child...hold her and never let go. I wanted to go home lock the doors, close the blinds, and have all groceries delivered via internet shopping. I wanted to get inside my bubble and never leave.
But I couldn't do that.
Because today Dotty went to what will be her new school in the fall. Tony and I signed Dotty up for Kindergarten today.
I looked over at him at one point during the many papers we were filling out and asked "Can you believe she is already going to kindergarten?" He just shook his head and said..."no".
After Dotty had her evaluation (of which she came out...got her sticker...and proudly told us "I passed!") we took her to Sonic to hear all about what she did while we were filling out papers. She told us about counting numbers, knowing her letters, hopping, skipping, and all sorts of things. She said it with so much excitement and joy!!!
Just 24 hours earlier I was thinking seriously about home schooling my child and when I saw the joy on her face I thought...how could I take "life" away from her (nothing against home schooling...by the way).
Dotty is so excited to experience new things...to grow and learn and hop and skip...to LIVE.
At 5 going on 6 she has no fear...and that is a good thing. She doesn't know that there are people so full of hate that they kill innocent people. She doesn't know that the world is full of hurt and pain. All she knows is the world is full of joy and excitement...in her eyes that is all she sees (well that and the fact that the world is mostly full of not having to wear a uniform...she is most excited about that next year).
I can't put my child in a bubble because then she would miss out on so much.
The people who ran in the Boston Marathon were people who lived life to the fullest. I can't imagine running 26.2 miles. I can't imagine the dedication and the strength that it takes to do that. But those people that ran yesterday...they saw life not as a finish line...but as journey that never ends. And the people that were there to cheer on family, friends, and random strangers...saw that joy for life too. No doubt they could feel that joy coming off the runners as they headed to the finish.
I don't want Dotty to take unnecessary risks in life...but I don't want her to be afraid to run towards joy either.
This world does have pain, hurt, agony, hate, voilence, destruction, war, abuse...and so much more bad things. But it also has joy, peace, excitement, growth, love, healing, faith, perserverence, success, strength, grace, mercy and oh so much more.
Today I appreciated the day that was a big moment for my child. But I appreciated even a bit more because of what happened in Boston. It is sad that it takes tragedy to make us slow down and be grateful and thankful for the good times.
I will never know why bad things happen in life...especially things like Boston. But I know that I am not supposed to have all the answers. I also know that God gave us this life to live abundantly...that is what those marathon runners were doing and that is what I try to do every day.
Of course after a while I realized that not only did I not watch the news on TV...I didn't read papers...I didn't look at the "Top Stories" on the internet...I didn't search out information in any way. Then I realized I was trying to keep myself in a bubble too. I was trying to shield myself from a world that seemed to be full of pain, agony, hate, destruction, war, violence, abuse.
Of course some things I could not avoid (after all...even ESPN talks about the REALLY big stories...even those not specifically related to sports). I have heard about the school shootings, North Korea, Sandusky, Tiger's 2 stroke penalty (okay maybe that one is solely sports), and just yesterday the Boston Marathon bombings.
Like so many of us when I heard about Boston I wanted to find my child...hold her and never let go. I wanted to go home lock the doors, close the blinds, and have all groceries delivered via internet shopping. I wanted to get inside my bubble and never leave.
But I couldn't do that.
Because today Dotty went to what will be her new school in the fall. Tony and I signed Dotty up for Kindergarten today.
I looked over at him at one point during the many papers we were filling out and asked "Can you believe she is already going to kindergarten?" He just shook his head and said..."no".
After Dotty had her evaluation (of which she came out...got her sticker...and proudly told us "I passed!") we took her to Sonic to hear all about what she did while we were filling out papers. She told us about counting numbers, knowing her letters, hopping, skipping, and all sorts of things. She said it with so much excitement and joy!!!
Just 24 hours earlier I was thinking seriously about home schooling my child and when I saw the joy on her face I thought...how could I take "life" away from her (nothing against home schooling...by the way).
Dotty is so excited to experience new things...to grow and learn and hop and skip...to LIVE.
At 5 going on 6 she has no fear...and that is a good thing. She doesn't know that there are people so full of hate that they kill innocent people. She doesn't know that the world is full of hurt and pain. All she knows is the world is full of joy and excitement...in her eyes that is all she sees (well that and the fact that the world is mostly full of not having to wear a uniform...she is most excited about that next year).
I can't put my child in a bubble because then she would miss out on so much.
The people who ran in the Boston Marathon were people who lived life to the fullest. I can't imagine running 26.2 miles. I can't imagine the dedication and the strength that it takes to do that. But those people that ran yesterday...they saw life not as a finish line...but as journey that never ends. And the people that were there to cheer on family, friends, and random strangers...saw that joy for life too. No doubt they could feel that joy coming off the runners as they headed to the finish.
I don't want Dotty to take unnecessary risks in life...but I don't want her to be afraid to run towards joy either.
This world does have pain, hurt, agony, hate, voilence, destruction, war, abuse...and so much more bad things. But it also has joy, peace, excitement, growth, love, healing, faith, perserverence, success, strength, grace, mercy and oh so much more.
Today I appreciated the day that was a big moment for my child. But I appreciated even a bit more because of what happened in Boston. It is sad that it takes tragedy to make us slow down and be grateful and thankful for the good times.
I will never know why bad things happen in life...especially things like Boston. But I know that I am not supposed to have all the answers. I also know that God gave us this life to live abundantly...that is what those marathon runners were doing and that is what I try to do every day.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I Love Watching You Play
I am stealing a bit of this from "Hands Free Momma" but it has really made me think these last few days.
Recently on the Hands Free Momma site she posted about 5 words all parents should say to their kids....
"I love watching you ____." And then you fill in the blank...dance, play, practice, study, sing, etc.
This past weekend Dotty started her 4 season of soccer. I was so happy to sit on the sidelines this time around. Last season I tried to coach her team and I soon found out coaching is just not for me.
I didn't feel like I could give Dotty much of my attention when I was coaching...and I felt a lot of pressure to do a good job...even though they are just 5! I wanted to WIN!!! That is a flaw in me for some other post though.
After reading the blog about the 5 words I decided to try it out on Dotty.
Dotty did score 3 goals on Saturday (which was awesome) but when the game was over I said "I love watching you play."
Later that night Dotty was dancing around the living room and when she caught me watching I said "I love watching you dance."
As we went to sleep she said her prayer and when she was done I said "I love watching you pray."
Before we drifted off to sleep Dotty said..."You love me a lot Momma."
I said "Of course I do."
And then she said..."No matter if I am good or bad at something it makes me happy that you say you love watching me do it just because I am your daughter."
I kissed her goodnight and thought to myself...there will be some things Dotty is a GREAT at...a few things she is EXCELLENT at...and many things that she stinks at...simply because that is life. I hope no matter what Dotty will try them all and above all I hope she knows that no matter what...success or failure...I will love watching her...period.
Recently on the Hands Free Momma site she posted about 5 words all parents should say to their kids....
"I love watching you ____." And then you fill in the blank...dance, play, practice, study, sing, etc.
This past weekend Dotty started her 4 season of soccer. I was so happy to sit on the sidelines this time around. Last season I tried to coach her team and I soon found out coaching is just not for me.
I didn't feel like I could give Dotty much of my attention when I was coaching...and I felt a lot of pressure to do a good job...even though they are just 5! I wanted to WIN!!! That is a flaw in me for some other post though.
After reading the blog about the 5 words I decided to try it out on Dotty.
Dotty did score 3 goals on Saturday (which was awesome) but when the game was over I said "I love watching you play."
Later that night Dotty was dancing around the living room and when she caught me watching I said "I love watching you dance."
As we went to sleep she said her prayer and when she was done I said "I love watching you pray."
Before we drifted off to sleep Dotty said..."You love me a lot Momma."
I said "Of course I do."
And then she said..."No matter if I am good or bad at something it makes me happy that you say you love watching me do it just because I am your daughter."
I kissed her goodnight and thought to myself...there will be some things Dotty is a GREAT at...a few things she is EXCELLENT at...and many things that she stinks at...simply because that is life. I hope no matter what Dotty will try them all and above all I hope she knows that no matter what...success or failure...I will love watching her...period.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Missing Your Kissing
A few weeks ago I had a fever blister on my bottom lip that should have been in the record books it was so big! It lasted (from onset to finish) a good 14 days...no lie! At it's peak it hurt to eat, drink, brush my teeth, and sometimes even breath in and out of my mouth! I am hear to tell you...it was a bad deal. Needless to say I could barely talk...I missed a lot of work...and I could not kiss my sweet baby girl!
Poor Dotty was not only grossed out by the whole thing but she was bummed out too. We do a lot of kissing in our house....
Kisses hello
Kisses goodbye
Kisses good night
Kisses good morning
Kisses because you did something great
Kisses because you didn't do something great but I love you anyways
Kisses for no reason at all
Kisses for every reason!
We love to share a smooch!
But going well over a week without being able to kiss my child made me realize two things...
#1 Never take my health (even my lip health) for granted
#2 Never take Dotty's kisses for granted
I know there are a lot of people out there that don't get to kiss their kiddos good night for one reason or another (tragedy, illness, etc.) and I know that I am one lucky Momma to have my sweet girl around to love and kiss on.
I also know that some day (in the not too distant future) Dotty will no longer want me to shower her with kisses. She will be too busy growing up...or heaven help me...being a teenager.
So I will cherish these moments...I will cherish every kiss!
Poor Dotty was not only grossed out by the whole thing but she was bummed out too. We do a lot of kissing in our house....
Kisses hello
Kisses goodbye
Kisses good night
Kisses good morning
Kisses because you did something great
Kisses because you didn't do something great but I love you anyways
Kisses for no reason at all
Kisses for every reason!
We love to share a smooch!
But going well over a week without being able to kiss my child made me realize two things...
#1 Never take my health (even my lip health) for granted
#2 Never take Dotty's kisses for granted
I know there are a lot of people out there that don't get to kiss their kiddos good night for one reason or another (tragedy, illness, etc.) and I know that I am one lucky Momma to have my sweet girl around to love and kiss on.
I also know that some day (in the not too distant future) Dotty will no longer want me to shower her with kisses. She will be too busy growing up...or heaven help me...being a teenager.
So I will cherish these moments...I will cherish every kiss!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Christmas 2012 with Dotty...
This past Christmas was a great one for me and Dotty! We got to spend a lot of time together doing things that are really important to me.
December 23rd we went for a carriage ride through the lights with Presley, Keri, Memaw, Raymond and Linda McCoy, and Ty and Kelly (Knottingham) Smith. I LOVE Christmas lights and that night was very special (except Jake was sick but it was still great). Dotty loves lights too and she is a huge Kelly Knottingham fan! She LOVES her some Kelly!!! Kelly is the one that takes the girls pictures for the Pecan Shed and she has caught some of the best shots of Dotty. (As many of you know my child does not smile for pictures very well. She either looks like she is in pain or her underbite shows up. She gets that photogenic quality from Tony...and he knows it!) Kelly lets Dotty just be herself and she is there to capture Dotty at her best. Plus Kelly has a strong love for animals...something she and Dotty share!
Christmas Eve Dotty and I did presents with the "Montz" side. Papa, Memaw, Keri, and Presley all came over to my house to open gifts with us (Jake was still a bit sickly). The girls didn't fuss or fight (a Christmas miracle) and even showed enough restraint to make it until after lunch to tear through presents. They even took turns opening gifts this year...now that is a gift in and of itself! I got to actually SEE what Dotty got this year instead of ducking and dodging bows and bags when the paper started flying! Later that day since Tony was still working I got to take Dotty with me to Christmas Eve church service. Nothing made me happier than holding my (almost 50 pound) baby girl and listening to her belt out the chorus...
"O come let us adore Him"
...at the top of her lungs! That girl can rock a Christmas carol! Dotty even went down front to sit with the other kids while the preacher talked to them. Dotty has never even been to the church I went to that night before (I have not been many times) but she has no fear! I love that about her!
Then Christmas Eve night I got to sleep next to her and watch her see what Santa had brought her the next morning. (I am so thankful that Tony, Brittany, and I know how important these times are and we are willing to share them with each other. We may not always be able to have "Christmas Eve Sleepovers"...as Brittany says...one of us will someday need a bigger house...but for now it is all about seeing Dotty's face on Christmas morning...and trust me...it was a happy face.)
After Santa gifts...Dotty went with me and Tiffany (Biggs) Seel to deliver fudge and pecans to the firemen that work on Christmas Day. This is my 4th year to do this and to have Dotty along with me was a joy (although she got restless at the end). I want Dotty to see that Christmas is not about what you get...it is always about giving. Firemen are so special to me (I know so many of them and several work for me at the Shed) and so I try to give to them when I can. Plus when Dotty was scared of firemen on a school trip to a fire station I had several firemen friends offer to show her around the station many times so she wouldn't be afraid. They gave of their time...so I like to give of my fudge! :)
Then later on Christmas Day it snowed!!! In Dotty's five short years she has seen TWO white Christmas Days. That is pretty cool. I love snow and getting to be with Dotty on Christmas morning while the snow falls is so wonderful to me.
After Dotty went with Tony I was able to go home and rest...which I so needed. Retail season is hard on me during the holidays but I try never to appear too tired to Dotty. So an extra day or two of rest did my body and my spirits good!
Tony and Brittany also got engaged on Christmas Day! Dotty and I love Brittany so much and I could not have chosen a better person to be my little girl's step-mom. Brittany loves Dotty with all her heart and as Dotty's mom that is all I could ever ask for! I know Dotty is going to make one cute flower girl when she walks down that aisle with her little sister Dylann! So happy for that side of Dotty's family!!!
So Christmas 2012 was one for the record books! My gift was a happy, healthy, and truly loved little girl...who believes in Santa, sneaky elves, angel kisses, and most of all Jesus Christ...the real reason for the season!
December 23rd we went for a carriage ride through the lights with Presley, Keri, Memaw, Raymond and Linda McCoy, and Ty and Kelly (Knottingham) Smith. I LOVE Christmas lights and that night was very special (except Jake was sick but it was still great). Dotty loves lights too and she is a huge Kelly Knottingham fan! She LOVES her some Kelly!!! Kelly is the one that takes the girls pictures for the Pecan Shed and she has caught some of the best shots of Dotty. (As many of you know my child does not smile for pictures very well. She either looks like she is in pain or her underbite shows up. She gets that photogenic quality from Tony...and he knows it!) Kelly lets Dotty just be herself and she is there to capture Dotty at her best. Plus Kelly has a strong love for animals...something she and Dotty share!
Christmas Eve Dotty and I did presents with the "Montz" side. Papa, Memaw, Keri, and Presley all came over to my house to open gifts with us (Jake was still a bit sickly). The girls didn't fuss or fight (a Christmas miracle) and even showed enough restraint to make it until after lunch to tear through presents. They even took turns opening gifts this year...now that is a gift in and of itself! I got to actually SEE what Dotty got this year instead of ducking and dodging bows and bags when the paper started flying! Later that day since Tony was still working I got to take Dotty with me to Christmas Eve church service. Nothing made me happier than holding my (almost 50 pound) baby girl and listening to her belt out the chorus...
"O come let us adore Him"
...at the top of her lungs! That girl can rock a Christmas carol! Dotty even went down front to sit with the other kids while the preacher talked to them. Dotty has never even been to the church I went to that night before (I have not been many times) but she has no fear! I love that about her!
Then Christmas Eve night I got to sleep next to her and watch her see what Santa had brought her the next morning. (I am so thankful that Tony, Brittany, and I know how important these times are and we are willing to share them with each other. We may not always be able to have "Christmas Eve Sleepovers"...as Brittany says...one of us will someday need a bigger house...but for now it is all about seeing Dotty's face on Christmas morning...and trust me...it was a happy face.)
After Santa gifts...Dotty went with me and Tiffany (Biggs) Seel to deliver fudge and pecans to the firemen that work on Christmas Day. This is my 4th year to do this and to have Dotty along with me was a joy (although she got restless at the end). I want Dotty to see that Christmas is not about what you get...it is always about giving. Firemen are so special to me (I know so many of them and several work for me at the Shed) and so I try to give to them when I can. Plus when Dotty was scared of firemen on a school trip to a fire station I had several firemen friends offer to show her around the station many times so she wouldn't be afraid. They gave of their time...so I like to give of my fudge! :)
Then later on Christmas Day it snowed!!! In Dotty's five short years she has seen TWO white Christmas Days. That is pretty cool. I love snow and getting to be with Dotty on Christmas morning while the snow falls is so wonderful to me.
After Dotty went with Tony I was able to go home and rest...which I so needed. Retail season is hard on me during the holidays but I try never to appear too tired to Dotty. So an extra day or two of rest did my body and my spirits good!
Tony and Brittany also got engaged on Christmas Day! Dotty and I love Brittany so much and I could not have chosen a better person to be my little girl's step-mom. Brittany loves Dotty with all her heart and as Dotty's mom that is all I could ever ask for! I know Dotty is going to make one cute flower girl when she walks down that aisle with her little sister Dylann! So happy for that side of Dotty's family!!!
So Christmas 2012 was one for the record books! My gift was a happy, healthy, and truly loved little girl...who believes in Santa, sneaky elves, angel kisses, and most of all Jesus Christ...the real reason for the season!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Remember Today is a Good Day...
This past Friday was a hard one. With all the violence in the elementary school in Connecticut, I had such a hard time wrapping my mind around the situation. How could someone do something so terrible…to anyone…but especially to children?
Friday was a day when Brittany was supposed to get Dotty from school and I was not going to have Dotty back with me until Sunday afternoon. Thankfully Brittany is an amazing person and mom and she understood when I called to tell her I just needed to see Dotty…if only for a few minutes. Today of all days…I needed to hug and hold my precious child.
So I went to Dotty’s school to get her from class. I let the tears fall all the way there. I thought of all the parents and especially all the mothers who would not get to pick their kids up from school again. It was a thought my heart could not bear. I sobbed…for those that had lost so much. I prayed for their families and for God to hold them in His arms and give them all the comfort He could so they could make it through the next day, hour, minute…moment. I can’t imagine how I would even begin to go on after a tragedy like that.
Before I walked into Dotty’s room I composed myself…wiped my tears…and put on a smile. Dotty would never understand what happened and I didn’t want her to see it written all over my face. (I have always tried to shield Dotty from the bad things in life…whether they were things going wrong in the world as we know it…or in “our little world” as we know it. I have always tried to be strong for her and never let her see me shaken. Now whether or not that mentality is right or wrong I don’t know but it is a rule I have followed. I try to be her rock…steady and strong…always.)
As I grabbed up Dotty for a “hello hug” I just didn’t let go. I carried her all the way to the car (even though she is getting quite heavy at this point). I held her in my arms for some time once I sat her in the car. And the amazing thing was…she let me hold her. She sat so still and quiet and just let me hold her (which as most of you know 5 year olds are busy…they like to move and they like to talk…especially Dotty…she LOVES to talk!). But this time we both just sat in the car holding on to each other in silence.
Then Dotty whispered to me “I could hug you forever.”
Well my rock status waivered. I shed a tear and bit hard on my lip. Then whispered, “I love you more than you will ever know.”
At that point Dotty pulled away and turned back into her typical 5 year old girl self. She rattled on about her pajama day at school…what everyone was wearing…how good the movie was…how much she liked the hot chocolate and popcorn. Then she ended by saying “Today was a good day Momma.”
I sat so still thinking…not for some. Today was the worst day ever for some.
But for my kid…today was a good day. And for me…any day on this earth that I get to know that my kid is happy, healthy, and safe is a good day.
No matter what.
No matter what happens at work. No matter what my checking account says. No matter what the scales say. No matter how I feel physically. No matter what.
I can get bogged down in a million little things that might make me think a day is “not a good day” but no matter what…if Dotty is good…then the day is good.
I have got to remember ALWAYS to not take life…especially the life I share with Dotty…for granted. Not even for a moment. This life is too short as is even if we live to be 100 but it is especially too short if tragedy cuts it short. We are not promised tomorrow and I need to make sure every day is a day I treasure.
I am borrowing this next line from “Hands Free Momma” which is a blog I follow…she wrote…
“While I cannot control what happens once they leave my side, I can control what happens in those sacred minutes before we say good-bye.”
Then she made a point to always stop and hug and kiss her kids before they leave no matter what! No matter if they are late…if it is raining and they are getting soaked…no matter what. She even made a sign with her kindergartener that says “XOXO – Before You Go!” which is now on their back door to remind them to always take the time.
I plan to make one of those signs too. It is always good to remember to tell your kids…and to tell everyone…how much you love them. Because we don’t know when it will be the last time we see them.
I know Friday was a horrible day. I am not trying to say otherwise. It makes me cry just typing this up right now. I can’t imagine such a loss.
But I am always reminded when I hear of any senseless loss of life that I don’t know why things like this happen. But I do know that I need to cherish Dotty more every day. Because every day I have with her is a good day.
Friday was a day when Brittany was supposed to get Dotty from school and I was not going to have Dotty back with me until Sunday afternoon. Thankfully Brittany is an amazing person and mom and she understood when I called to tell her I just needed to see Dotty…if only for a few minutes. Today of all days…I needed to hug and hold my precious child.
So I went to Dotty’s school to get her from class. I let the tears fall all the way there. I thought of all the parents and especially all the mothers who would not get to pick their kids up from school again. It was a thought my heart could not bear. I sobbed…for those that had lost so much. I prayed for their families and for God to hold them in His arms and give them all the comfort He could so they could make it through the next day, hour, minute…moment. I can’t imagine how I would even begin to go on after a tragedy like that.
Before I walked into Dotty’s room I composed myself…wiped my tears…and put on a smile. Dotty would never understand what happened and I didn’t want her to see it written all over my face. (I have always tried to shield Dotty from the bad things in life…whether they were things going wrong in the world as we know it…or in “our little world” as we know it. I have always tried to be strong for her and never let her see me shaken. Now whether or not that mentality is right or wrong I don’t know but it is a rule I have followed. I try to be her rock…steady and strong…always.)
As I grabbed up Dotty for a “hello hug” I just didn’t let go. I carried her all the way to the car (even though she is getting quite heavy at this point). I held her in my arms for some time once I sat her in the car. And the amazing thing was…she let me hold her. She sat so still and quiet and just let me hold her (which as most of you know 5 year olds are busy…they like to move and they like to talk…especially Dotty…she LOVES to talk!). But this time we both just sat in the car holding on to each other in silence.
Then Dotty whispered to me “I could hug you forever.”
Well my rock status waivered. I shed a tear and bit hard on my lip. Then whispered, “I love you more than you will ever know.”
At that point Dotty pulled away and turned back into her typical 5 year old girl self. She rattled on about her pajama day at school…what everyone was wearing…how good the movie was…how much she liked the hot chocolate and popcorn. Then she ended by saying “Today was a good day Momma.”
I sat so still thinking…not for some. Today was the worst day ever for some.
But for my kid…today was a good day. And for me…any day on this earth that I get to know that my kid is happy, healthy, and safe is a good day.
No matter what.
No matter what happens at work. No matter what my checking account says. No matter what the scales say. No matter how I feel physically. No matter what.
I can get bogged down in a million little things that might make me think a day is “not a good day” but no matter what…if Dotty is good…then the day is good.
I have got to remember ALWAYS to not take life…especially the life I share with Dotty…for granted. Not even for a moment. This life is too short as is even if we live to be 100 but it is especially too short if tragedy cuts it short. We are not promised tomorrow and I need to make sure every day is a day I treasure.
I am borrowing this next line from “Hands Free Momma” which is a blog I follow…she wrote…
“While I cannot control what happens once they leave my side, I can control what happens in those sacred minutes before we say good-bye.”
Then she made a point to always stop and hug and kiss her kids before they leave no matter what! No matter if they are late…if it is raining and they are getting soaked…no matter what. She even made a sign with her kindergartener that says “XOXO – Before You Go!” which is now on their back door to remind them to always take the time.
I plan to make one of those signs too. It is always good to remember to tell your kids…and to tell everyone…how much you love them. Because we don’t know when it will be the last time we see them.
I know Friday was a horrible day. I am not trying to say otherwise. It makes me cry just typing this up right now. I can’t imagine such a loss.
But I am always reminded when I hear of any senseless loss of life that I don’t know why things like this happen. But I do know that I need to cherish Dotty more every day. Because every day I have with her is a good day.
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