Losing Marbles

I read an email from "All Pro Dad"...a Tony Dungy website that I just love. It was talking about all the time we sacrifice with our kids. It mainly focused on what we give up in order to make more money but it applies in all areas of our lives.

The last point the email made really hit home with me. The author said to figure out how many Saturdays you have left with your child from now until they turn 18. Then he said to buy that many marbles and place them in a glass jar. Every Saturday night throw one marble away...because you will never get it back.

That explanation really hit home to me and made me cry. As a divorced parent I get only about half those Saturdays with my kid...same for Tony too. As best I can figure it...and I am not great with math...Tony and I have roughly 680 Saturdays or so left before Dotty turns 18. When you divide that by 2 because we share weekends with her that means I only have 340 Saturdays left to spend with her. (And the truth is...when she starts driving I might not even have that many because she will rather be with her friends more than likely.)

I know I spoil my kid. I know I do. But my time with her is limited and it is precious. Every parent feels that way I know but I think divorced parents feel it even more because we don't even have the option of having our kid every day if we wanted them. That is a luxury we will never get.

I feel guilty leaving Dotty for even an hour when she is with me. I want her to know and to feel my love and I want to cherish every moment with her. I do try to share her with my family and her friends and let her grow up to be a normal kid. And I truly don't want her to be spoiled or to think she must have my constant attention because I know that is not healthy either. It is a fine line all parents walk...and a fine and wobbly line that divorced parents must walk.

Trust me...I know all parents have troubles and trials. I in no way think I have it worse than any other parent. I just have it different than those parents who are both living in the same home as their child. This is the only life I know so of course it is the one I most understand and feel the most passion for.

Like I have always said...Tony and I don't have the typical divorce. We get along well. We always try to do what is best for Dotty above all. But there are sacrifices that come along with that way of thinking. I pray to God every day that Dotty will grow up happy and healthy and will not be scarred by coming from a "broken home" so to speak. I pray that she will know how loved she is by so many people and she will never feel cheated by the life she was dealt.

However, in trying to give all I can for Dotty's happiness I must lose some of my own. I lose weekends. I lose days. I lose nights. I lose moments. I lose time. I lose memories I will never be a part of. In a way I lose marbles so to speak. But I would lose everything for her.

I don't plan on buying any marbles to do what the author said. Trust me...I know my time is precious...and it is fleeting. But I thank God every day for the time (for the marbles) I do get to spend with Dotty. For she is my greatest blessing!