The Night Before Kindergarten

Tomorrow will be Dotty's first day of Kindergarten at Iowa Park Kidwell Elementary.

Where did the last 5 (almost 6) years go?!?!

I swear I can still remember the night before Dotty was born. I was nervous...excited...and ready!

Tonight once again...I am nervous...excited...but I am not sure if I am ready.

As a mother I can't help but worry about Dotty...it is what we mothers do best I think. I worry she will not find her way around school. I worry she will not make any new friends (although if I were being totally honest my child could make friends with a rock so this is really not that big of a worry). I worry a kid might be mean to her. I worry she might be mean to a kid. I worry she will miss me. I worry she won't miss me. I worry she will struggle. I worry she will not challenge herself enough. I worry she will get hurt, get sick, get tired, or even worse...get a boyfriend!!! I worry about ALL of it and more!

Then again I think of all the moms, dads, and folks in general that don't get to have this night...for one reason or another...and I thank God for the opportunity to worry about my child's first day of Kindergarten. I thank God for every moment of every day for the gift that is my Dotty.

Tomorrow will be both a happy and sad day...for me...and a day of new beginnings for both of us. Tomorrow I will watch Dotty head into a classroom to start school...and I will watch her do that year after year for many years...God willing.

Tomorrow I will smile and take pictures (too many for Dotty I have no doubts)...I will wish her luck and tell her she will do great...I will tell her to have fun and that I will see her soon. I will do all this without a crack in my voice...without a tear in my eye...without a single sign of sadness.

Then I will go back to my car and I will cry my eyes out. I will cry tears of sadness for my baby not being a baby anymore...for years gone by too fast...and for all the times I didn't pause to bask in the blessing that comes with each child. And I will cry tears of joy...for having a happy, healthy Kindergartner. I will cry as all proud mommas cry when their hearts burst with pride. I will cry for both Dotty and me...for the journey we have made so far and for the one still ahead of us.

Simply put...I am going to do one of those "ugly cries"...and I have no doubts it will not be pretty.

And when the time comes to pick her up at the end of her day...once again I will have a smile on my face and there will be no sign of tears. Because that is what moms do. Moms hold it together when we need to...and we let it all out when we have time to...we are both strong and weak...but we know there is a time and place for both.

Some day I will tell Dotty about how hard it was to let her go to Kindergarten...perhaps when she is about to send her own child off for the first day of school...but whenever the time comes it will be a long time in the future...because tomorrow is a day to celebrate.

Tomorrow Dotty reaches a milestone...one of many!