Be careful what you say...

I have always been told to be careful what I say. That words can never be taken back...both the good and the bad. Once you say something you can always ask for forgiveness or try to explain why you said it, but you can never erase those words from the mind of the one(s) who heard them.

Many times in my life I have said things out of anger, hurt, fear, foolishness, sorrow, etc. that I have wished I was able to take back. I have often apologized for my words, but I have also had them repeated back to me a time or two which is always a reminder to me that once I have said them...there is no taking them back.

I learned this lesson again with Dotty. I wasn't the one who said the words but I saw first hand how much words can impact everyone who hears them...even those who the words are not aimed at.

Last week, Presley was having a rough day and she was tired and cranky and she had quite the meltdown and threw a rather large fit. Now Presley is almost 5 and her vocabulary is larger than Dotty's and during her fit Presley said the words "I hate you" to me and then said "I hate my family". All of it was said with tears flowing and feet stomping...a full blown fit.

Now I knew that Presley didn't mean those things, but I made her go sit in Timeout any way and told her that was not a nice thing to say to me or about her family. Like most temper tantrums the whole episode was over in a matter of minutes but a the damage had been done.

Little did I know that Dotty, who was also in the room, was watching wide eyed all that her cousin (who she loves and adores) had said and done. She took in the whole show but said nothing at the time. A few days later though Dotty gave her new knowledge a spin.

Dotty was getting tired and not wanting to do as I said and so with great emphasis and just the right mean look on her face Dotty told me "I hate you." I have to say it broke my heart.

I knew my baby did not hate me and really didn't even understand the full meaning of the phrase but she said it. Then we I calmly told her that was not nice, she said it again. She said it numerous times until I told her to go sit in Timeout.

I was trying to not make a really big deal out of it but I was hurting inside. I don't want my baby to hate anyone...especially me. And I don't want her to say things like that. I know she doesn't understand totally but it still hurts.

I should also say I am not mad at Presley. I know kids hear these types of phrases from tv or other kids and there is no way to shield them 100% from such a thing. In fact, I was glad I knew the exact source where Dotty heard the phrase and knew how it was being used. I still didn't want her to say it though.

I talked with Tony about it and I am sure we will figure out a way to handle it if it comes up again. I hope it is a passing thing but only time will tell. I am sure I will have many more moments like this in Dotty's life. I am glad to have been reminded once again that children have big eyes and ears and they are watching everything we do and say...even the things that are done and said around them.