First Weekend in 2 Years!

This weekend will be the first full weekend I have had Dotty in two years!

I know you are thinking...WHAT?!?!?!?

When Tony and I separated and he moved to the metroplex I agreed to let him have Dotty every weekend. I agreed to this arrangement for several reasons.

1. I knew Dotty missed her Daddy terribly and she could not go several weeks without seeing him.
2. I knew Tony missed Dotty and he did not want to go several weeks without seeing her.
3. I have never thought the traditional "1st, 3rd, 5th" weekend arrangement that most divorced couples use in "joint custody" was fair for anyone. Kids need parents and parents need kids...as equal as possible. Before Tony left to go to the metroplex we were just working out a schedule as it worked best for everyone...we tried to have equal time...and it was working. Plus, I did not want to have to go "weeks" in the summer without seeing Dotty (which typically happens in most joint custody agreements).
4. Tony and I handled our divorce very differently than most and I saw no reason why sharing Dotty should be any different.
5. I am sort of ashamed to admit this...but at the time I never thought Tony would make time for Dotty EVERY weekend. Tony loves sports and hunting and being with friends and I just knew he would miss a weekend or two with Dotty. I am happy to say I was VERY WRONG about Tony. He made Dotty a #1 priority. He has been a great dad to Dotty...better than I ever thought he could be. I don't know if I was just too blind to see it when we were married or if divorce did that to both of us...made us better parents or what...but I have always said since the day we separated that while Tony and I were not good to each other as husband and wife...we were good as parents to Dotty. I am truly sorry that I doubted Tony...for once in my life...I am glad to be so very wrong about a person.

So for two years...Dotty has gone to see Tony every Friday and come back to me every Sunday. Then when Tony moved back this past November, we decided to go back to just a "flexible" schedule when it came to Dotty. However, I was right in the middle of the busiest time at the Pecan Shed and I needed Tony to watch Dotty on weekends so I could work.

Today I will get Dotty after work and I will have her until Sunday. I can't tell you what it means to have my little girl for an entire weekend. I always felt like I got the "not fun" times with Dotty. I got her during the week when we had to get ready for school and work and it was just the "business" time of the week...not the "fun" time. I would try to take off some when I wasn't busy to spend a day with Dotty during the week but it just wasn't always the same.

I have heard from lots of parents how "lucky" I was to have every weekend free. But I am here to tell you...no divorced parent feels "lucky". I know that I am lucky in a way that Tony and I get along so well and we can work together to raise Dotty but we both miss out on a lot. Yes we both cherish our time with her more but we have to sacrifice time as well.

I would never have made Dotty miss time with her Daddy to spend time with me. I didn't want to be selfish in that way...but it wasn't always easy to spend weekends without her. Now that Tony is back and work is slower, I am looking forward to spending lots of weekends with my daughter...doing the things that I didn't get to do for two years.

It is easy in life...and especially in divorces...to look at the negatives and to focus on why things are not fair or why they went wrong. I try not to do that...emphasis on "try". I have always tried to look at my life...especially the last two years of it and I have tried to find the good in it. Some days are easier than others but I have heard it said "you find what you look for". If you look for the bad...you will find bad. If you look for good...you will find good.

Lots of people don't understand how Tony and I function in a dysfunctional family. Lots of people don't understand that it takes me and Tony working together...it takes our families and our friends supporting us...and it takes us simply putting Dotty and what she needs first.

I know this weekend might be hard for Tony. And I feel for him in that way. I feel for him every time he has to bring Dotty back to me and leave. It is the hardest thing to do. I know because I have to do it too.

Tony and I have many more "weekends" ahead of us with Dotty. She will be with me...she will be with him...she will be with family and friends. The best part though is that no matter who she is with...she will know that she is loved.

And that is all that matters.