Looking Back...

Dotty has been going to her school for over a year now. The other day when I dropped he off with her class at the park I was reminded of the first few months she attended school. It was a tough time for both Dotty and me.

The first summer Dotty was at this school I would take her to the park each morning to meet her class. Dotty would cling to my leg and beg me to stay. When I would finally get her pried off and tell her everything was going to be okay she would just look at me with tear filled eyes and hug me goodbye.

I had to stay upbeat and strong for her but every time I got in my car I would break down and cry. I would make the block and drive past the park area again and if I saw her off by herself I would sob even harder. I had to really restrain myself from pulling over and going and getting her to take her with me.

I know that children need to learn to play with other kids and I know that Dotty needs to learn how to play on her own. As an only child that can be a difficult thing to do. I know that Dotty's tears were dried long before my own were and I know that she became a more well rounded child because of the experience. My heart was broken almost every morning and Dotty cried real tears but we both survived and I am sure we are both stronger because of it.

I know children need to experience some disappointments in life. I know that children have to cry from time to time. But I also know that it does not get easier to see your child sad, upset, or crying.

When I dropped Dotty off at the park the other day to be with her class she still asked if I could stay and she still hugged me tightly and held on for a little while but there were no tears. As she headed off to the swings by herself my heart dropped a little remembering what it was like a year ago. But before I could reach the park gate a little girl called out to Dotty. Dotty ran to her and they hugged then walked off to the sand holding hands. Dotty never looked back at me.

I cried then.

This time these were tears of joy. My baby had not only learned to be willing to play by herself but she had made friends. Friends that were happy to see her. Friends that she was happy to see.

I know there will still be tears in our future. There will still be hard lessons for both of us to learn. But I know now that the tears will dry...the lessons will make the rest of life a little easier...and we will both be just fine.